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Saturday, December 11th, 2010

(kick the wall)

Subject:Time
Time:10:21 pm.
Mood: apathetic.
Time is moving so fast every year seems to fly by even quicker than the last. I feel like my life is kind of pointless at the moment in the personal arena. Not family/spouse, but self. I dont think iver really lived up to my potential. I am trying to live without being depressed but it is very difficult. I am on medication but honestly it just keeps me from crying i think it hides a lot of feelings which is good becuaw before i used to cry at h the drop of a hat. I really want to change who i am personally but it seems impossible. anyone have any ideas of how to make small changes without the use of legal drugs?

Saturday, July 31st, 2010

(kick the wall)

Subject:Me time
Time:11:11 pm.
Today was a great day. I went to get a pedicure and haircut/style/color. Kept it at medium brown. It was totally damaged. The spa I went to gave me the best pedicure I've ever had they put hot rocks on your feet massaging the sole and the lady used a lot of oils from my calf down she did a great job I could have fallen asleep there I had not had a pedicure in years I think I'm hooked to once a month now. I need to make more "me" time.

Sunday, July 18th, 2010

(kick the wall)

Subject:Fam
Time:5:50 pm.
So I'm really upset. I just realized how fucked up our whole family is and it's sad. I knew all along maybe I finally accepted it and it makes me sad. Gee where to start I have two parents that for reasons unknown are with each other and completely miserable. Dad is 57 mom is 55. Still young but they act like their life is over and they stll have a 14 year old teen they are raising. She is embarassed that my parents are that age and she and my mom no longer get along when they used to be like glue. Blame it on the hormones right. Well my mom is a really miserable person I put her on the spot yesterday and I hope she thinks about it. I asked her who she was after she told me her life was working, going to my grandpas(her dad he's 88), going to my aunts business(she opened a medical supplies company), cooking, cleaning(she's a neat freak). That's it. I asked her again I'm like I know you're a mom, a sister, a daughter, and a wife but what defines you who are you I've never known her to have hobbies, passions, read, anything. She said she was nothing . Wow that is so sad I know she's led a hard life but she doesn't even want to go to a doctor to get checked out she's afraid she might have diabetes I'm like you know what at least ull know and u can treat it. My dad just went to see a doctor he hadn't seen one in like 20 years he might have esophageal cancer (he's drank since he was little and smoked since he was 10.). I know I'm not the happiest person, I deal with depression, diabetes, my eyesight, my significant others' bullshit but I still have hobbies, passions, I'm interested in current events, stimulating conversations, I take surveys, I have friendships. It's so sad watching your parents lead a life that has been unfulfilled and it seems to be pushing me to better myself especially emotionally. I know I can't do much for them but maybe pray? Thoughts? Ideas?

Wednesday, July 7th, 2010

(kick the wall)

Subject:2nd day
Time:10:58 pm.
I did it, pretty proud of myself didn't fall into temptation eating. So today I speed walked again and worked with lower legs squats leg curls front n back increasing weight only four sets but reps went from 12, 10, 8 and 6 and I increased weight with each rep. Did swats with weighted bars 10lb 12lb and 15 lb bar need to buy 20!lb bar much more easier than adding weights for each rep. TomoRrow I'll work hard on upper body I'll do some boxing exercises my arms are too flabby and weights for upper. So far so good. I got my pumping iron DVD Arnold was so damn good that movie is really inspiring.

Tuesday, July 6th, 2010

(kick the wall)

Subject:1st day
Time:9:11 pm.
Well I decided to finally follow an exercise/healthy eatin plan. Working with cardio three days a week and weights three days alternating. Today I worked with free weights and worked on upper body thurs I'll do lower. Although I did a bit of all today 20 min cardio a few sets for upper and very few squats. Those kill me as my knees are not in the best shape and my quads are extremely weak. I'm trying to follow an exercise regimen schwarzenneger did during his early body building days as he worked mostly with free wt. As I get better I'll have to go to an actual gym to use more machines. But since I'm starting these should be enough. For cardio I'll be alternating with the treadmill and the boxing bag/speed bag. I will try to include as much different exercises to keep shocking my body. So tomorrow will be day 2 lower body lifting depending how weak my legs feel I'll go for a 20 min tredmill session. I feel pretty tired just hope I'm not thoroughly exhasted.
Basically my whole day consisted of writing which exercise what weights and how long.
I feel exhausted after all the lifting and the speedwalking. Be back tomorrow I'll update then

Thursday, June 24th, 2010

(kick the wall)

Subject:Pool
Time:9:13 pm.
Well, we went to edwards moms house and since there is a public outdoor pool there we took Isabella, Cosette, and their friend Santana. It was pretty full but hell i wanted to go into another pool again i loved it. before i was kind of well embarassed cuz ive gained weight and honestly thats why i never learned to swim too scared but now i figured what the hell who cares what everyone else thinks. im not going to let that get in the way of me having fun anymore. And boy was it worth it. I loved it even if i did just stand there lol i told edward "baby steps" in a couple of more outings i'll give learning to swim a try. i just love being in the water . loved it.maybe now ill get my much needed tan on my legs they are deathly white.

Wednesday, June 16th, 2010

(kick the wall)

Subject:Trip
Time:4:32 pm.
Mood: cheerful.
I totally forgot to post about my mini road trip. Well my girls Isabella 12 and Cosette 8 went on their summer trip with their grandmother and uncle last week to the Grand Canyon and Disneyland they left on June 6 and came back June 12. They had a blast it was their first time in California and at a beach . They were scared of the Grand Canyon I would be too I start to shake when I'm up in a stadium, no thanks!! I had not been out of El Paso in about 8 years. I loved the change of scenery in Ruidoso, N.M. Pine trees!! The hotel we spent the nght was economical and can't beat indoor pool!! Specially since it was practically empty!! I took my mom and my little sister Iris she's 14 and of course Edward he did all the driving :). Albuquerque is full of life there was so much to do night music in downtown, a traditional pizzeria where I had an authentic spumoni sundae it was the best I've had and don't get me started on the pizza we had mushroom and pepperoni it was the lightest yet filling pizza I've ever had pizza hut who? Sadly I didn't get a chance to visit the few Italian pastry shops they had as we got lost trying to find this one street. We want to go back with the girls before school starts so that they can take advantage of the aquarium and zoo. Roswell U.F.O. Museum was awesome if you're into that kind of scene which I totally am. We saw the plans for the new museum they are planning on building it is huge!! They had a map where u can put a dot on the world map where you're coming from there was someone that visited from Mongolia! I wanted to stop by the forest and recharge but my mom wanted to go to the casino which we went to and I lost my last eighty bucks. This was a well planned last minute trip and I loved it!!

Thursday, June 10th, 2010

(kick the wall)

Subject:Mini Vacation
Time:2:04 pm.
Mood: excited.
Finally taking a mini roadtrip. Going up to Albuquerque to the Aquarium they have sharks and a lot of marine life and the botanical garden which i am really looking forward to a bunch of plants i love gardens flowers etc. My hotel has an indoor pool which i am so looking forward to. I have not been in a pool in about ten or more years sad huh? Also stopping by Ruidoso and finally Roswell on our way back. All this is in New Mexico im in El Paso TX so its not too far. My girls went on vacation with their grandmother to the Grand Canyon and spent four days at Dysneyland in CA and afterwards a day at the beach they should be home by Saturday night. Cant wait to see pictures. Im leaving Friday at five a.m. They went with my boyfiends mom and hew son eddies brother and im taking my lil sister with me shes fourteen and also taking my mom she wants to go to the casinos but im not sure if i want to spend money on that yet. Wish me luck!!

Thursday, May 20th, 2010

(kick the wall)

Subject:Justice
Time:10:27 am.
Mood: chipper.
Finally justice was served for Lilo a bench warrant was issued for her arres bail at $100,000 SCRAAM bracelet no alcohol and random drug testing once a week. Would high levels of a prescription drug count as a drug in the body? Hopefully this will get through to her.

Monday, May 17th, 2010

(2 broken toes | kick the wall)

Subject:Lindsay Lohan
Time:7:32 pm.
Beautiful, tragic girl. I hope she goes to jail for a while it may be her only saving grace.

Wednesday, April 28th, 2010

(kick the wall)

Time:7:34 pm.

(kick the wall)

Subject:Il Canto
Time:7:32 pm.
One of the songs if there was a list of songs to listen to before you die. Love this man. RIP Luciano Pavarotti

Friday, April 16th, 2010

(kick the wall)

Subject:Question regarding physical pain
Time:4:59 pm.
Hi hope every one is doing fine. I have a question for anyone that might have imput. This past Monday or Tuesday I must have fallen asleep in a weird position well since then mylower neck on right hand side has been hurting and now it's down to my thumb that I feel the pain I took some naproxen 500 mg that seemed to help for a few hours but my sons nurse said I should not take it that often as it causes stomach bleeding I took ibuprofi 500 mg night before didn't help. Will this eventually go away should I wait it out would massaga help? Any similar situations for anyone? Inut willbe highly appreciated.

Friday, April 9th, 2010

(kick the wall)

Subject:walking
Time:9:31 pm.
Well i walked a mile yesterday that was my attempt at healthier living. Today i rested Monday im starting a three days a week cardio and three days a week weight training with sundays off. I need to do something about my weight. i have all these issues and hopefully getting in shape will help me mentally as well as well as giving me energy which is something i NEED :) Hope everyone is doing great. Have a good weekend!!

Tuesday, April 6th, 2010

(3 broken toes | kick the wall)

Subject:IDEAS PLEASE MONEY SPENDING EBAY
Time:10:06 pm.
OK I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE input on this topic. Spending how much do you do of it, are you good at saving money? If you are please give me tips. Also has anyone ever been addicted to ebay. Is there such a thing because I totally feel as if i am and i honestly dont know how to stop. Step away from the itouch right? i was thinking of deleting the application from there. Does anyone ever get anxious when they shop or when they have extra money youre dying to spend until you dont have a penny left to your name until next payperiod? I would appreciate input from all my friends on live journal which arent many but you are all very much loved.

Monday, April 5th, 2010

(kick the wall)

Subject:ok
Time:10:43 pm.
ive just been called a milf that was definately out of left feel not sure how i feel it was so sudden. Thoughts?

Saturday, March 27th, 2010

(2 broken toes | kick the wall)

Subject:suicide
Time:2:04 pm.
Mood: contemplative.
I was talking to my sons nurse she and i are pretty good friends. Shes fifty three has had diabetes for about ten years had a stroke about eight years ago had to go through therapy etc..shes as excellent nurse. well shes having issues with her foot i guess she had hit it where the bone in the foot is by the heel land it just has not healed since. we were talking about life and death and taking ones one life which i could never fathom despite my many issues physically mentally emotionally and shes like telling me how she would go inot the desert get out give herself a shot of insulin and keep walking till she dies. She does not want to lose her leg or anything as a result of her diabetes. Wow, i just could not fathom doing that could any of you? just taking yourself out. i think its sad ive been to points where ive gone through a lot of crap like slowly losing my eyesight and having a corneal transplant waiting for another one grant it my glasses are like bottles but i can see with them:) my sons brain injury my significant others many issues and i could go on but seriously i would never think of just doing myself in. i dont know i gurss thats kind of sadd.

Sunday, March 7th, 2010

(kick the wall)

Subject:frustrated
Time:9:58 pm.
OK so now im like the bad guy in my family. well this is the thing. my significant other and I were waiting on our income tax return and we got a pretty good return for this past year. Well i helped my dad with a thousand dollars so he could get some dentures since he had horrible mouth problems. some money went to bills and since ive neveer really had a computer i purchased one online from hp. my boyfriend has his own and the girls have the old one we have always used. ihad told my mom i would give her the girls computer once edward got his. and i got mine. well that never happened as he decided to go pary with the money that was left and blew about two grand. so the rest went to bills. well i recanted and told my mom i could not give her the computer and give me time because since ed did not get his we cant take the girls computer away.
well my siste gets in the middle and calls me why am i not giving her the computer and i explained to her thats the girls. and i had already spoken to my mom about that so that was really none of her business. well she and her husband got mad because they sold my dad an illegal cable box and my computer would have worked with the box but not the current one they have. so hes calling me yelling at me and im like excuse me but i already spoke to my mom about this how is this any of your fucking business. theyre like yeah well u just got a new computer its like dude ive never had a fucking computer and i am not taking the girls computer away im sorry but my computer is for me so i can do my work etc. so now im the selfish bitch. and its like i help my parents out way more than any of my sisters and i cant help her this time im sorry but we can buy her memory and be upgrading it.

so now im kind of pissed off at him where the hell does he get off judging me. my boyfriend and i have threekids a big house hefty taxes we pay on a house so we have a lot of bills but i help my parents out with what little i have left it just pisses me off that they get in the middle of this when they dont really know what i do for them.

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

(2 broken toes | kick the wall)

Time:11:54 pm.
Hi

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

(kick the wall)

Subject:Itouch 2nd generation Bluetooth help!!
Time:8:51 pm.
Ok I need some help as I am not that electronics savvy. I've had an itouch 2nd generation for about a year and I just barely realized there was a Bluetooth icon now I know what that little fish is!! Anyways I wanted some wireless headphones for when I work out instead of carrying this thing around. I went to best buy and spent sixty bucks on rocketfish headphones that were not compatible. Does anyone heve or know anyone with an itouch that uses Bluetooth headphones and if so please help!!! Which are compatible???

LiveJournal for queenofdarkmoon.

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
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You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.